


Wash Away Like The Rain

by wordslikelightning



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, M/M, give it a chance and you will see, post purgatory, sharing a shower but no sex, shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordslikelightning/pseuds/wordslikelightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is drowning in guilt from everything he as done, but Dean is there to help hold him together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wash Away Like The Rain

As the steaming water from the shower hits his back, Castiel begins to feel the aches that he had not yet let himself feel. He knows he should scrub away the filth covering his skin, but he doesn’t think he could move if he wanted. He has no recollection how long he stood there. It could have been hours or minutes, but slowly he becomes aware of the fact that he is no longer alone. The warm weight of a familiar hand on his shoulder gently turns him until he is facing the hunter.  
  
Castiel keeps his eyes on the yellowing wall of the motel shower. He cannot meet the other’s eyes, not yet, the guilt for every pain he has caused him are still to fresh. In purgatory he was able to push them aside and concentrate on getting Dean out alive, but now, he had no purpose. He should still be in that God forsaken pit, atoning for his transgressions.   
  
He had broken Sam’s wall, causing irreparable damage. Taking it on himself only worsened his guilt, because then he saw the horrors the younger Winchester had endured.   
  
He had lied to those he had come to know as friends, family even, who had no tie to him other that liking him. Even when he was a brainwashed soldier hiding doubt and, as Dean had said, with ‘a stick up his ass’. They were under no orders, nor were they kin, which meant all the more to the broken angel. Making his betrayal even more heinous. Not to mention it was for Crowley’s bidding.   
  
He had let the Leviathans loose.  
  
He had gotten Bobby killed.  
  
He had tried to be God.  
  
He had trapped Dean in purgatory.  
  
He had failed.  
  
Tears mixed with the spray from the shower as these thoughts filled his mind like a swarm of angry wasps, stinging him over and over. His eyes screwed shut, trying in vain to keep the tears behind his lashes.  
  
He flinched when he felt a hand cup his face, still waiting for some sort of punishment. He wouldn’t hold it against them for throwing him to the curb and forgetting about him.  
  
But instead, careful fingers lifted his chin. As much as he feared what he would see, he opened his eyes. There was none of the loathing he felt and saw in his own eyes reflected in the green of Dean’s eyes. All he found there was concern, which caused the tears to flow even faster.  
  
The hunter wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling his close and holding him tight. Castiel heard soothing muttering close to his ear, but the words were indistinguishable from the sobs he was desperately trying, and failing to hold in as he clung to the elder Winchester’s shoulders. He felt as if he was shattering and the only thing stoping him from falling apart completely was Dean’s strong hold on him.  
  
It took a long time for the angel to calm down. Dean had grabbed a wash cloth, lathered it with soap and rubbed soothing circles over the other’s back and shoulders of the broken man in his arms. Once Castiel’s grip began to loosen, he made to pull back in order to continue scrubbing the filth from his friend’s pale skin. After assuring the other that he was not going to pull away, that they were safe, that he had him, Dean set to work. Each time he moved to a new section of skin, Castiel whispered apology after apology. Dean met him each time with reassurances of forgiveness. Washing his pain away like rain would ash after a fire.  
  
By the time the angel was clean once more, from hair to the soles of his feet, the water had run cold. Dean flipped the water off, wrapped a towel around his waist, then did the same for Castiel. It takes a while, but Dean manages to get them both dried off and dressed in worn-soft clothes. He guides the other man to the bed he had claimed and tucks the blankets snugly around him. Dean slides into the other side, resting on his side and scootches closer to the smaller man, resting their foreheads together.  
  
He knows the feeling of self-loathing he saw in the angel’s haunted blue eyes. He knows it will take more than one night to repair that broken part of him.   
  
He plans a soft kiss on the end of Castiel’s shower warm nose, arms snaking out to wrap around the other, tightening and lessening the space between them.  
  
Dean knows what it will take for Castiel to forgive himself and that it will be long after Dean has done so, but he is willing to be there for every step.  
  
No matter what it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I don't own anything, I just like to play here. The writers and creators get all the credit for making such wonderful places and characters.  
> Most works are not beta read. All mistakes are my own.  
> I can be found at theseeyesofmine or wordslikelightning on Tumblr if anyone is interested.


End file.
